Small Mercies - a Christmas short story by Kate Atkinson

0:01 Hi and welcome back to Gloucester book clubs podcast. And in tonight's book Lounge, I'm going to read you a short Christmas story and it comes from a collection of three short stories which are contained in a book by Kate Atkinson and it's called festive spirits. And the story I'm going to read tonight is called small. Mercies, I hope you enjoy The week before Christmas a light sifting of snow on Gerald's Lon and an unaccustomed chill in his heart. Just you and me then boy, he said to the dog, the dog stead soulfully at him because it was unusually about this time of night that Gerald brought out the mince pies.

0:56 Gerald had never spent Christmas on his own. The day had always been passed mindlessly in the company of either his mother or his ex-girlfriend Anthea. And once a memory still too awful to dwell on with both of them together Anthea or that woman as both his mother and the dog thought of her was gone. Now, of course, married to an accountant and living Unhappily Ever After words in Surrey Sometimes Gerald wondered, what would have happened if he'd answer had lasted had stumbled all the way to the altar.

1:34 Would even now be surreptitiously, filling stockings at the ends of small beds and drinking, Santa Sherry while Anthea wrapped presents in front of a Yuletide log burning in the half. And yes, Gerald did understand that. This was a ridiculously utopian vision of Christmas but some of it might have been true. The Sherry anyway, Way. These imaginary children would have called him, Dad wouldn't they? No one had ever called him dad and he suspected? No one ever would. Now the thought made Gerald, Spirits droop, even further, the dog wagged, its tail encouragingly it sense.

2:17 The mince pies slipping away.

2:22 You'll be all right on your own for Christmas. Won't you Gerald? His mother had said, rather indifferently and rather late in the day as she packed her suitcase and unseasonable Trove of suntan. Cream beach towels diarrhea, tablets and an extraordinary piece of industrial strength. Course, a tree that Gerald could only presume was a swimming costume. His mother who had previously considered a week's holiday in Eastbourne and extravagance was often a three-week cruise around the med in the company of her giddy new cohorts.

3:00 Several months ago. His mother had moved into a retirement complex. Gerald. Previously, unacquainted with such places had feared, it would be a dismal. God's waiting room kind of place full of shuffling ancient. Zimring, their way through, try light. Years. If I ever get like that, his mother said crossly, then I hope you'll ask a vet to put me down. It was some time before Gerald could shake off. A disturbing mental picture of sitting in the Vets waiting room with his mother, in an oversized cat basket, awaiting a final fatal dose of immobile on.

3:43 Gerald wondered how he would feel when his mother shuffled off her mortal coil. Hopefully, in the antiseptic environment of a hospital rather than a Veterinary surgery. He imagined her pain, free and comfortable. Exhibiting unusual. Acceptance, everyone has to go sometime Gerald before passing peacefully with the beatific smile on her face. It seemed unlikely. His mother was What's the beatific kind and he doubted that she would arrive at the Pearly Gates without a list of complaints ready in her hand before she'd even seen what lay Beyond.

4:24 Thinking about his mother's death, Gerald was mildly ashamed that the only feeling it gave rise to was one of relief. Whereas if he allowed himself to imagine the dogs demise a hot hard Stone of grief, lodged itself beneath his breast bone, Gerald Gerald, are you. All right? His mother asked sharply, Gerald soon. Discovered that he could not have been more mistaken in his prejudices about the retirement, complex, never had. He encountered such a busy bunch of people as his mother's neighbors, they swam and jogged engulfed.

5:05 They played bridge and Scrabble, they organized tea dances investment clubs and reading groups. They held endless, coffee mornings and afternoon. Teas and threw parties at the drop of a hat. The gray pound his The said mysteriously Gerald thought it was a great shame that all this social whirling was restricted to people of pensionable age. It was exactly the kind of life that would have benefited, middle-aged Bachelors. Well, it won't be too long before you are old Gerald, his mother said carelessly.

5:40 Yes, but you will always be older. He thought and chastised himself and his lack of Charity. Our first Port of Call is Marseille. She said, as nonchalantly is an Old Sea Dog. I'll send you a postcard from there. You're not to worry about me. It would be nice. He thought if for once she would worry about him, Anyway, she continued blithely. You can spend Christmas with your friend:. He hasn't got anyone now, either. Thanks Gerald said, on his way out, Gerald passed through the communal lounge. Festooned with decorations and home to a huge brightly lit Christmas tree.

6:21 A lively poker game was in progress, deal you in Gerald, someone offered Joel declined, indicating his wristwatch. As if he could not afford the time for such pleasurable, idleness. You wait until you're retired, one of the poker players laughed. You'll wonder how you ever had time to work carrying out into the dark night. Gerald felt a sudden craving for a shoulder to lean on and made his way to the lamb and flag. Where since his divorce, Colin had taken up residence in The Snug bar. Colin and Gerald had known each other since Primary School a shared history, which seemed to overcome the fact that they had no.

7:06 Nothing else in common, here's the life's losers. Colleen said, cheerfully raising his pint glass and toasting Gerald. Plus he added no trouble and strife to spoil the big day. Gerald will be as free as Birds. We can start drinking at breakfast. He continued enthusiastically and carry on until we're unconscious.

7:31 Christmas Eve. Ho, ho, ho Gerald said mirthlessly pouring himself a large malt. Whiskey in the kitchen. He carried it along with a plate of mince pies through to the living room, the dog patted after him, living my best life. Gerald said sardonically to it as it jumped on the sofa next to him, the dog always sat on the left, Gerald on the right. Tailed also slept on the right hand side of his bed and had woken and more than one occasion to find the dog lying. Next to him its head on the pillow. When the dog was a puppy, Gerald had followed the advice to leave him to sleep in a basket down in the kitchen, but the tiny whimpering noises that had carried on throughout the night.

8:22 Had been too much for him. And since then, the dog had shared the bedroom with Gerald Gerald drank, the whiskey rather quickly like Arson and considered a second one. It was Christmas after all living room free of any Christmas decorations apart from a half-hearted attempt on Gerald's part to display his rather meager. Trawl of Christmas cards, looked cheerless. What's it all about? He asked the dog ruffling. Its fur absent-mindedly. What's the point of it all redundant. Gerald continued gloomily Surplus to requirements.

9:01 That's me. On the day that Gerald's mother had. Sailed off into the sunshine, Gerald had turned up at work as usual. Nothing much on his mind. Other than whether he might manage to maneuver Jill, Stuart from sales and marketing under the mistletoe at the office party, and he had been called in to Rodney Leyland's office Rodney. Leyland was Gerald's, line manager, and it seemed painfully ironic that he was currently dressed as Santa Claus. Kids party. He explained pulling off his beard. Ho ho. Ho Gerald said, entering into the festive.

9:38 Spirit Gerald Rodney. Leyland said gently. We need to have a chat. Downsizing Gerald explained mournfully to the dog, they're calling it early retirement to make it sound better, but frankly, that makes it worse. I've made not much over a half-century and I've already been bowled out on the scrapheap. The dog listened with its head cocked in a way that suggested sympathy. Although, actually, it's mine, had wandered to the last uneaten in spies Gerald felt guilty. He did not normally indulge In fits of melancholy, there were so many people in the world, most people.

10:20 In fact, if he thought about it, he were worse off than himself that Gerald tried always to be grateful for what he had to be thankful for the small mercies that life sent his way. And yet, tonight jold felt as if he had nothing. I mean, it's not the money. They've given me pretty good Severance page. Just no one wants me the dog pushed its wet cold nose into Gerald Hand and wagged its tail in an effort. To prove the contrary, of course you need a walk old boy. I'm sorry. Joel made an effort to Rouse himself from the torpor.

10:58 He'd fallen into self-pity wasn't something. He wanted to reveal to anyone even the dog, especially the dog. Gerald tossed. The last mince pie hole into his mouth and the dog watched its trajectory with hopeless. Despair. Let's go Gerald said The dog trotted ahead oblivious to the cold Gerald followed at a somewhat less. Eager Pace Gerald's house was at the edge of the suburbs on the border between Town and Country a landscape which Gerald found rather uninspiring and which the dog found almost unbearably exciting.

11:39 Their first stop for they were both creatures of habit was the river. Gerald, as usual, stayed on the bridge, while the dogs snuffled and truffled down on the bank. The cold snap had already transformed the water, into a slurry of ice Gerald lent on the parapet lost in thought, would it really make any difference? He wondered, if he slipped down into those chilly Waters, never to resurface again. How does life of a made a difference to anyone? The world would surely go on. Just the saying if he had never been born, such thoughts were new to Gerald and he was surprised and rather alarmed to discover how easily they came to him.

12:29 An image came suddenly to Gerald's mind. An image of this very same river on a hot still day, nearly 40 years ago and Colin. As pale and podgy, then as he was now, thrashing around helplessly in the middle of the river, calling in a desperate voice for Gerald to save him. If he'd stop to think about it, Gerald a poor swimmer might not have dived in, might not have hauled the dead weight of Colin to the bank, but he didn't think. For once in his life, he's simply jumped. Oh, you won Gerald was Collins habitual toast.

13:10 The lamb and flag and he didn't mean around the dog scrambled back up to the road and signaled it was ready to move on with a short bark. Gerald proficient in dog language left the bridge and set off obedient Lee.

13:27 The road took them past the local church and Gerald was puzzled for a moment at the sight of lights blazing and the sound of Reedy voices, reaching for the descant of O Come All Ye Faithful until he realized. It was the midnight service long since abandoned as a ritual by Gerald in fact Gerald had not been inside this church or any other. Since his brothers funeral Gerald's, Brother David, a golden boy and his mother's clear favorite had been Killed in a car accident, on the eve of his 21st birthday.

14:02 Gerald had been about to embark on a degree in languages, a springboard, he'd hoped to an exotic and interesting future after his brother's death. However, his mother retreated into a profound depression and in an effort to comfort, her Gerald had elected to postpone University and take a temporary humdrum job with a local company. Eventually his mother came to terms with her loss but by then it seemed too late for Gerald's exotic and interesting future. And Anyway by then humdrum had become a way of life for Gerald these days the occasional banquet for two at the Lucky Dragon was the nearest Gerald got to Exotic.

14:46 And when the person you are sharing with was Colin, that wasn't really the right word. Gerald wondered if his mother would have grieved so much for him as she She had for David he doubted it. People Spilled Out of the church. They're happy voices, ringing as cheerfully as bells on the cold air, the dog waked wagged. Its tail ready to exchange seasonal? Greetings that Gerald walked away. Briskly calling on the dog to follow him. He didn't think he could handle all that Christmas. Cheer. David had been an attractive.

15:21 Extrovert drawing people into his orbit without having to make any effort. Gerald had lived in the long Shadow. He cast at parties, David was the center of attention. While Gerald was the one in the corner talking to the ball, no one else would listen to or more likely the one clearing the dirty glasses and ministering to the person being sick in the bathroom. That was how he had met Anthea dizzy with drink at some party that Gerald had attended reluctantly. He had helped her home in a very gentlemanly fashion and she had called him a lifesaver Anthea had just come out of a bad relationship drinking too much, partying, too much and Gerald had been a sobering influence in always you're a rock Gerald.

16:10 She'd once said gratefully you got me back on my feet but it was a gratitude that soon dissipated once back on those feet in 3 inch Jimmy Choo heels she walked off Without a backward. Glance You know, Gerald said, as they turned a bend in the road and started heading for home, we're probably lucky that answer you left. She wasn't exactly easy to please was she the dog stifled a growl and kept its own counsel? And now I'm free. Gerald, frowned pausing on the Garden, Path to contemplate. The novelty of this idea there really was nothing to stop him.

16:49 Having an interesting life if he chose, he had a sudden vision of himself and the Dogs striding through a Countryside Dusty with sun or drinking Chianti Gerald, not the dog against a golden backdrop of sunflowers or perhaps driving along Avenues of cyprus's in a neatly fitted out campervan. Free is a bird jold murmured and laughed much to the dog surprise a campervan. He said to the dog, the dog to its credit managed to look thoughtful and the open road. What do you think? The phone was ringing is Gerald turned the key in the lock and when he picked it up his mother's not very maternal.

17:30 Tones were wishing him, happy Christmas. She was vague about where she was Italy, maybe and sounded quite Tipsy. There was the noise of shipboard merriment in the background and it was difficult to make out his mother's words laced as they were with emotion and free alcohol, I can't hear you. Gerald said he could hear her perfectly well, but he wanted the satisfaction. Action of making his mother below the words down the phone. I love you, Gerald, she shouted. So loudly that even the dog on the other side of the room, heard her, they pantomimed astonishment at each other.

18:12 Merry Christmas Colleen said, raising his glass Christmas dinner was a banquet for to brought home from the Lucky Dragon accompanied by a bottle of champagne that had been lurking in the bottom of Gerald's fridge, Colleen had contributed a couple of Christmas crackers. Left over from when he had a wife. I owe you one. Colin said training is glass and pouring another, you do Gerald agreed cheerfully. He raised his own glass and made a toast to small mercies. He said, oh yeah, those two Colin agreed spooning sticky rice into his mouth and the dog in Prime position on the hearthrug where it was gnawing a particularly meaty Christmas, bone, glanced at Gerald and thought It's a Wonderful Life.